Blooming where it doesn't feel natural

I took this photo yesterday in downtown Kiev outside a very expensive restaurant. (No I didn't eat there). The pansies look beautiful planted between the rocks. But, we all know this wouldn't happen naturally in our gardens. We would have to fill those places between the rocks with good soil and plant pansies that we didn't expect to "volunteer" and return next spring. Life between those rocks would be too difficult to expect more than one season of blooms!

I feel a little like those flowers. My life isn't happening "naturally" right now. Living out of a suitcase in my apartment in Kiev - no longer feels like home. Not going back to my last home in NC. Not even going to my sister's last home in the USA. Going to a new state, will look for a new home, find a new church and will start a new business - planting ourselves and hoping we'll not find too many rocks in our way.

Almost every decision we make right now is huge! I've been feeling almost pinned it with little flexibility at times. This week the Lord reminded me of my truth. In Psalm 18:19, 36 and 118:5, I read the words "wide-open place", a "spacious place". I sat here yesterday just saying those words over and over. "Wide-open". "Spacious". If I'm right with the Lord, I'm hearing His voice and I need never feel pinned in. The Psalmist says He "widens a place beneath our steps".

We may not be able to move all the "rocks" around us. We may not be able to control the events of our lives to feel "natural" or "like it should be". But, we can be sure that there is a "spacious place" with our name on it. We may have to close our eyes and repeat it to both our heart and our mind over and over. While we do that, we can wiggle our "spiritual" toes and feel those rocks give way to new, solid ground. Yep, if He planted us - blooming is our future!

Last shipment to America

Last shipment to America! Tim and Sasha just left with the last containers to ship back to the states. With this shipment it means we have about 10 boxes of things in America (these are things we didn't bring here), six boxes somewhere on a ship between Ukraine and America and seven boxes preparing for the journey ahead. We'll have 3 suitcases and a sewing machine when we leave here in 25 days. Leaves me with a lot of thoughts.

First .... things. I'm not overly attached to "things" in general. I've had to leave things behind that I love. I am giving away or selling necessities or things that I'll miss. I don't think things have a hold on me, but I get frustrated getting rid of things I'll have to replace (most likely at a higher price). There are days I wish I could just pack a quick bag and walk out the door. But, life isn't like that for most of us. Most of us create homes and we use things to make our home feel like a welcoming place. We need things to do basic necessities like cooking and cleaning. (Not taking any of these things back). God doesn't call all of us to live a nomadic life so we all have to deal with things. Question should be .... Is there anything we can't give up? If so, that thing has a hold on us that it shouldn't!

Second ... dust! I can finally clean the apartment and dust where boxes and containers have been. Living with the windows open all the time (even in winter), we have a lot of dust from the road outside. Now with the boxes gone, I can really clean. Same with my heart. When I hold on to things (box feelings in), my heart collects "dust". Layers and layers of dust that keep me from seeing my heart exactly as it is. We need to give our hearts a proper "dusting" daily!

Third ... differences! Tim and I have very different feelings about this packing and moving process. I really could have packed about 3 bags, 1 sewing machine and headed back to the states. Tim, however, was more logical or practical. He figured how much it costs for us to ship things back (by the pound/kilogram) and then estimated how much it would cost to replace the things. So, we shipped what would cost too much to replace. No doubt, Tim and I have different ideas about this whole move. It's been a real struggle to maintain some sense of peace in our lives during this time of transition (or could I say turmoil). We've found that leaving the apartment and heading to McDonald's for breakfast creates a time for us to talk without the distraction all around us. We don't have a lot of breakfast out choices, so we're grateful for McD's (especially the latte). Difference are real. We all have to deal with differences. I read this morning in Daniel 11 words that reminded me God has given us "a book of truth". That book and the wisdom contained in it are the only things that can keep peace among two people with so many differences during a time of transition like this.

Lastly, 25 days. 25 DAYS! I'll travel out west for 2 more ladies' meetings next week. I'll say one good-bye after another to our Ukrainian friends. And, I'll try to look ahead with more resolve, more excitement and less frustration. I've already started the "mental shift" from life in the former USSR to life in America. But, I'm praying I don't miss one minute the Lord has planned for me here.

Life on the move ....... so many thoughts!

Summing My Life Up

Summing up my life at the moment could be interesting. Without getting too deep here, some of the phrases that would describe my life right now could be:

• Finishing up
• Packing up
• Moving on
• Boxed up (except for my bare essentials to last the next 45 days)

And yet, at the same time, as we prepare for a volunteer team and 3 women's meetings, you could describe it as:

• preparing for guests
• finalizing a schedule
• planning a menu
• covering details for a conference
• getting notes together for a teaching
• Planning for a trip to western Ukraine

Perhaps those two lists seem in contradiction to each other when you read them. They certainly do to me! But, it is my life at the moment. I've thought several times this week about how I would change it. Would I have changed the schedule if I could have? Am I concerned about the rush of the last month we'll be in Ukraine? Are we overdoing it? After much thought and prayer, I'm sure I wouldn't change one thing!

It's so easy to get focused on the "next thing" if we don't have something to keep us focused on the "moment before us". When I made my leaving the church and the school public, I was faced with the same thing. I would have to literally ask the Lord everyday to keep me focused on Him alone so I could stay focused on what He wanted from me and for me that day! The move and the necessities of our future demand some time and attention. I think the Lord honors that and He includes it in His plans for us. Understanding that everything He puts in our schedule is part of a bigger plan ... Doing what He puts before us, whether it relates to today or to the future, brings glory to God.

So what does today hold for me. Well here it is:

• Life among the "boxes"
• Giving away more of what I possess
• House cleaning in an apartment that no longer has the little touches that made it seem like home (those things are in the boxes or given away)
• A root canal (grateful that I can have it done)
• A look at information relating to the next phase of our journey

I hope at the end of it all if you ask someone what summed up Marsha's life, you'll say HIM! I hope that others see Christ in all I am and all I do. My prayer is that people won't focus on specific times in my life, specific places or specific events because I don't want those things to be talked about more than the one I've done them for. And my deepest prayer is that I've been genuine and relevant enough to impact people who don't know Him or only see Him in Biblical language and terms.

So, how would I sum my life up today or any day? In Him, that's how! Even though it's currently "On the Move"!

Disconnection -A Reality!

With another move in our future, we're starting to feel the "disconnect" to daily life here. This part of the transition is a great temptation to disconnect from the necessary things and take a few others along with the process.

The fact that it's 8 degrees F this morning makes the decision to do online church with First Baptist Woodstock a little easier! But, in reality, we're beginning to disconnect with our church here. Only a few more weeks before it's a physical disconnect! And, the heart just isn't in the same place as it once was!

Disconnecting doesn't mean "ending something". It's a necessary part of moving or changing. Relationships don't diminish in value, but the upcoming move necessitates adjustments in relationships. When we moved here, this was one of the lessons I learned about my friends in the states. Their lives moved on because they should have. It was hard to realize that my move changed the relationships I had back home. But, it was necessary to experience both change and some disconnect for all of us to live in the moment, where God had placed us for that time. Life does go on, children do grow up, friends make new friends - it's a reality!

When we get too focused on the next thing - we disconnect too early.

When we get too focused on the current thing - we don't disconnect at all.

When we only focus on our "loved ones" and not the reality of the transition - we disconnect from the reality before us.

Honestly, it's a balancing act. And it isn't easy. Disconnecting happens naturally because of all that's involved with moving (especially from one continent to another). There's a lot to do in a little time. And, ministry continues (PTL). Can't forget why we're in any moment at any time!

I also learned that the people whose lives aren't in a similar transition have to accept the reality of disconnecting as well, and it can be hard for them to understand. It is what it is!

As a wife, I have the added responsibility of following Tim's lead, helping him stay balanced. And, with all the added stress we have to make sure we're on the same boat!

We were recently invited to a church that we've never been too. Honestly, my heart just sank. I expressed appreciation for the invitation, but explained we only have a few Sundays left. The person then said, but that is still time for you to visit. And they are right. But, we won't visit. The disconnects are just too hard to add new ones to the mix at this point.

Relationships are gifts from God. They don't have to end thanks to the age of computers, VOIP phones, email, etc. God brings people in and out of our lives for a season. Some seasons are longer than others. Every relationship serves an eternal purpose - and we shouldn't miss that. While it's just plain fun to be with friends - we can't overlook the fact that relationships are important and we have something to learn from every relationship.

Disconnecting is a necessary reality during transitions in life. Life changes and relationships change! We need to value them at every stage!

Relationships Change and some even End!

Relationship! Relationships are extremely important. In the simplest description of the gospel, Jesus died so that we can have a relationship with God. For Him to do that, relationships must be important!

Living in Ukraine has brought many challenges. The greatest has been developing relationships that are genuine - with no personal motive. First you have the language barrier. HELLO or PRIVYET! Yes, we have to be able to talk to each other.

Second, you have the gender barrier. It's really not a good thing to develop relationships with other genders for the clear possibility of being mistaken. Don't take me wrong - I have men who I consider good friends. But, all those friendships come through a relationship with me and Tim (the couple).

Third, you deal with the church culture. (This one bugs me no matter where I live.) Americans rushed to the former USSR after the union fell. With a sincere passion for "these poor" people to know Christ, we saw record numbers of American believers come here to "save" Ukraine. We poured money into the churches and trained them to depend on Americans! But, few did anything about developing relationships with Ukrainians and mentoring pastors, training business people and women's leaders with one goal of pointing them to Christ. Too many people gain their personal satisfaction or fulfillment through their own form of missions. Don't be fooled - the Ukrainians aren't! One very wise Ukrainian asked me a poignant question. "Are many of the Americans who come here to teach us people who aren't teaching in their local churches?" Our relationship building has been hindered because of so many Americans who come here with motives they don't even recognize! Christ was here long before the first American volunteer came. And, he is still here today! Church culture can hinder relationships between believers if we focus more on the "church" than the "person".

Lastly, the hardest thing has been that relationships take time and they take work. I know I can't develop deep relationships with just over 2 months left here. I also know I need to nurture the relationships I have and in a sense "set these friends free" to move on to a long-distance relationship. It's hard - especially because I have so few really close friends. But, it's a good thing too. We've shared relationships - we've invested in each other - it's time to move on and begin again. There will be new relationships, and even new challenges. Praise God that some of my Ukrainian relationships will not end when we leave, they just change due to proximity! Relationships are important, but they change and some even end. Not a bad thing. It's a God thing!

Hard to let go of some things - My Top Ten favorite books!

No matter if we get attached to "things" or not, there are just some things that are hard to let go of. I dearly love my books. When you live in a culture where you have a hard time communicating, books become even more valuable. You can get lost in a good book. It can change your mood, your attitude, even your heart. It can inform you, educate you, entertain you, infuriate you, challenge you, anger you, motivate you, move you .... and honestly, it can change you. Yes, a good book is an amazing thing!

Once again, I need to "trim" down my personal library for travel. So, once again, I consider which books are a must! Which books am I willing to pay to keep with me.

A friend asked for a recommendation from a particular author that I love. I had a hard time recommending only one! So, I didn't. I recommended more than one. But, it made me think about my favorites. I did come up with my top ten favorites (actually more than 10) Thought I would share them.

Before you read the list, obviously the Bible is my favorite book. But, honestly, it's more than that. It's a treasure, a love letter really. So, don't write and tell me it should have been on my top ten! Here's my list from #10 down to my favorite and a few honorable mentions as well.

#10 - "Pride & Prejudice" by Jane Austen - This is not just a girl's book! And, if you men fail to read it because you think so, you will have missed a great book written beautifully. I love this so much, I brought a new copy with me to Ukraine!

#9 - "Thou Givest, They Gather" by Amy Carmichael - A MUST! Mine is marked up and falling apart - but dearly, dearly loved. Devotional thoughts spurred on by Amy's personal time with the Lord.

#8 - "Crazy Love" by Frances Chan - I wanted to put this higher (closer to the top) on the list. The only reason I didn't was because I just read it a couple of months ago for the very first time. I was concerned that it was still too fresh for me to give it a true rating. If you haven't read it - do so immediately! This man is genuine and he is living this kind of love! True testimony. (His 2nd book "Forgotten God" is very good as well - it's about the Holy Spirit).

#7 - "The Lost Secret of the New Covenant" by Malcom Smith - Reprinted under the title "Power of the Blood Covenant" - Smith was an Episcopalian priest who personally experienced the grace of God when he began to understand exactly what the New Covenant in Christ really means to us. A must read although it is written a bit "scholarly". (He's just a whole lot smarter than I am.)

#6 - "The Journey Home - Finishing with Joy" by Bill Bright - Bill Bright, founder of Campus Crusade, wrote this book during the final days of his life. He knew he was dying and he shared his reflections looking back in a way that challenges us to live each day with joy and purpose. This is one I've given many times as a gift.

#5 - "Shattering the Gods Within" by Dr. David Allen - Dr. Allen gives a simple and convicting definition of what constitutes a god in our hearts and our lives. It's an easy read with many real-life examples of false gods in the lives of believers. I've used it over and over personally and for teaching.

#4 - Till We Have Faces" by C.S. Lewis - In this book, Lewis writes a unique view of the classical Cupid and Psyche. He veils the story with spiritual undertones that literally "rain" over your mind and your heart as you discover them. I've read this over and over! (Hhmm...think I'll read it again!)

#3- "The Hiding Place" by Corrie Ten Boon - Corrie records the horrific events of her family's arrest in WWII. She wrote to give testimony to her sister, Betsy's, faith. I've read it almost every year at Easter since I was about 18 or 20 years old. All young ladies need a copy of their own!

#2 - "Mimosa" by Amy Carmichael - This little book was never written to be a book at all. It is a compilation of journal entries Amy wrote about a young Hindu girl who gave her heart to Jesus. She grew up without a Bible, a church, or a Christian friend. But, her faith was genuine and her life is a model of faith. I've probably given 50 of these as gifts.

DRUMROLL PLEASE .............

#1 - "Object of His Affection" by Scotty Smith - I read this book the year before I turned 50! Caused me to enter a Jubilee year of my own with the Lord. It changed my understanding of God's love for me. Truly changed me!

In closing .........

It was very hard to cut my list to 10. There are so many books I love. There are a few I feel like deserve an "honorable mention" even though they didn't make the list.

Honorable mentions - fiction (Not in order of how much they are liked/loved)

"Redeeming Love" by Francine Rivers

"Circle of Grace" by Penelope Jones

The Mitford Series by Jan Karon (I love them all)

"Piercing the Darkness" by Frank Perritti

Honorable mentions - non-fiction (Again, not in order of how much they are liked/loved)

"Ploughed Under" by Amy Carmichael (Sounds like "plowed")

"Amma - The Life and Words of Amy Carmichael" by Elizabeth Skoglund

"A Chance to Die - The Life & Legacy of Amy Carmichael" by Elizabeth Elliott

"The Tabernacle - Shadows of the Messiah" by David M. Levy

"Desiring God" by John Piper

"A Marriage Without Regrets" by Kay Arthur

"Let the Nations Be Glad" by John Piper

"Dangerous Surrender" by Kay Warren

How do you measure time?

Time. It's an interesting thing if you think about how you measure it. Yes, I know there are 24 hours in a day. Seven days in a week. Yea, yea, I know all that. But, I've caught myself considering a different measurement for time lately. Knowing that we'll be moving back to the states in late April, I've started to view time a little different. None of my new measuring has been intentional - that's what so interesting. I've just found myself repeating the same phrase "before we leave" over and over in reference to time. Here's some of the things I've measured differently.

Lotion - We just opened our last bottle of Cetafil from the states. I found myself wondering if it would last until late April or if we needed to request our next team to bring a bottle. How many bottles of Cetafil do you use in 77 days?

Soap - I used to buy multiple bars of Dove soap at the Metro Store, but considering the time we have left here, I thought it best to only buy what I would need. How many bars of soap do I use a month?

Chocolate Chips - The pantry is almost bare of chocolate chips! How should I spread out my batches of cookies between now and the return to the states?

Orchids - Both of my orchids are in full bloom right now. Everyone talks about how "hard" they think they are - but they are wrong. I want to give them to someone who will really enjoy them, but I want to enjoy them myself as long as I can. So when would be best for me to give them away and still enjoy them for a bit longer?

Bounce Dryer Sheets - I realized I had more of these than I would need. I've been cutting them in half, but I was thrilled to find out I can throw a full sheet in even if I wash and dry clothes every day - no counting needed for this one. One time revealed an abundance!

K-Cups - no more counting days here - they are all gone! Now, it's how many days since I've had one.

Starbucks - I've almost threatened Tim not to fix one more cup of coffee daily than he intends to drink. That Starbucks has to last!!!!!!

Friends - when will be the last visit and how many visits can I have before then?

Worship with English singers - How many more Sundays do I have to wait to sing worship songs with a church full of English singers? I'm counting them down!

Well, you get the idea. Time can be measured in many ways. How do you measure it these days?